O'Rourke Game In Two Weeks, You Know What That Means....

...Johnny is going DEEP!

A Day in the Life of Hammers outfielder John Gray on gameday at O'Rourke Field

5:00 Shakes off the cobwebs and gets out of bed
5:02 lets out blistering fart and takes 90 second piss on his hands - farts 5 more times
5:05 drinks 3 raw eggs Rocky Balboa style and opens the fridge
5:07 take out leftovers from the Quincy Jade platter for 3 he picked up last night
5:16 takes a dump
5:22 sings Van Halen in the shower
5:24 shaves and leaves his goatee
5:28 takes 35 vicious cuts with his bat naked in front of the mirror - screams out loud "Johnny is going deep tonight!!"
5:30 pulls onto Washington St. with Led Zeppelin blaring- cuts three people off- gives the finger to all three people
5:45 pulls into Clean Harbors Headquarters - blocks in supervisor
5:46 walks into wharehouse and calls supervisor a homo for the the first time time today and 350th time this month
5:48 takes a shit - leaves door open and yells at anyone who walks by
5:58 stuffs wharehouse worker in a locker and pisses on him
6:05 is given assignment to take oldest rack truck in the fleet to pick up barrells for an oil spill in R.I. - tells supervisor to F-off
6:12 cuts off 10 people driving down Rt. 1 - gives finger to all of them.
7:05 pulls into Dunkin Donuts orders two french crullers & a great one.. reads Herald from front to back
8:05 Leaves truck at job site, tells field techs (laborers) to hurry up and load his truck, has a big game tonight.
8:08 takes dump at job site bathroom
8:30 goes back to truck, reads golf digest.
9:15 Truck is loaded, tells laborers to F off and that "Johnny's going deep tonight!"
10:03 goes to nearby driving range. Hits two jumbo buckets of balls.
11:00 pulls into Sports Authority... checks out latests clubs and golf apparel
12:15 devours large steak & cheese from Jimmy's House of Pizza.
12:30 parks work truck outside house, takes nap
1:45 wakes up, takes a shit - uses wifes US Weekley to wipe his ass
1:50 pulls onto Washington St. with Ozzy blaring- cuts three people off- gives the finger to all three people
2:03 pulls into Clean Harbors Headquarters - leaves truck running in middle of lot
2:04 walks into wharehouse and calls supervisor a homo and signs out... leaves yelling "Johnny is going deep tonight
!!"
2:45 takes dip at parents house above ground pool
3:45 eats two Bubba Burgers, takes off
3:48 calls T. Fratt, leaves message calling him a pussy
4:05 arrives home parks truck on front lawn
4:15 gets naked and takes 25 swings in front of mirror- announcing "Johnny is going deep tonight"
4:48 mows lawn
5:30 arrives at field
5:32 T.Fratt walks by and Johnny cuts him off and says "Is Johnny hitting leadoff?"
5:36 tells Logan that if Johnny played all 20 games at O'Rourke, his numbers would look like this: .875 44 HR's 87 RBI's
5:40 tells John Southern "Hey Pussy, I don't wear batting gloves because they are for pussies, like your boyfriend T.Fratt"
5:42 batting practice: Johnny hits 22 pitches over the trees in left: 11 fair - 11 foul - all pulled
5:56 Johnny sees name in lineup - calls T.Fratt a pussy for batting him 6th
5:58 Johnny demands to bat leadoff
6:00 announces that "Johnny is going deep tonight"
6:10 scoreless first - Johnny tells T. Fratt it must be his defense
6:25 while waiting in on-deck circle, tells Mike Cedrone "Johnny is going deep tonight"
6:27 Johnny tells umpire & catcher he's going deep tonight
6:30 Johnny hits bomb off trees in left - coasts into second - almost gets thrown out
6:31 tells shortstop and second baseman that he "didn't get all of it"
7:00 Johnny ropes a rocket to third - third baseman takes all day and still turns a double play
7:02 Johnny is tired and is happy he it into a doubleplay - he did not want to run the bases anymore
7:19 Johnny hits 300 ft pop-up to pitcher after crushing 4 foul home runs- calls pitcher, catcher and ump pussies
7:43 7th inning - Johnny is exhausted - yells from left field, calls McInnis a pussy and tells him to just throw strikes- Johnny wants to get home
8:00 Knocks John Southern off the bench - calls him a homo singles hitter and leaves
8:05 cuts off 4 drivers on the way home - gives the finger to everyone near
8:20 arrives at Quincy Jade
8:30 sits down and digs into his poo-poo platter for 3
9:00 parks truck on the front lawn - jumps in jacuzzi
9:15 walks around house naked and screams "who saw the bomb I hit tonite???"
9:30 wakes up whole neighborhood
9:45 takes 35 swings naked and orders porn
9:55 pulls out bucket of KFC and gets ready for movie
10:15 Johnny passes out on couch